Big Brother Hate

I know some of you readers don't watch Big Brother. Well you SHOULD!

Last night's episode has me absolutely fucking HATING Russell. What a dickhead asshole!

He yelled at Jeff for no reason. Just trying to start shit. He thinks he's all awesome cuz he's an MMA fighter. WTF ever dude.

I like Jeff and think he's nice. So what if he can't spell. Hell half us bloggers can't spell. That's what spellcheck is for.

I also hate Natalie. What a fucking bitch. She's also a shit stirrer.

I hope Chima goes home Thursday night cuz I like Braden.

Ah how I love this show. OK now I'm off to call Dish network to see if I can get their promotion of Showtime free for 3 months. THEN I could watch Big Brother after dark every night. Yea I'll have NO free time then.

Yes it IS Regular Rain

I don't know what has happened with Speedy, but my child is deathly afraid of rain for some reason. I don't know if some little dickhead kid told him something but every time it rains, he freaks the fuck out and cries his eyes out. And it's only getting worse now.

From the time he opens his eyes (at the buttcrack of dawn), he is looking out his window at the clouds. And from the time I wake up, all I hear is "Is it going to rain? Are those rain clouds? Are those normal clouds? Is it normal rain? Are those morning clouds? Is it windy cuz it's gonna rain? Why is it windy if it isn't gonna rain?". I am not kidding. He asks those same questions all fucking day long.

I know he asks me over 50 times a day, if it's gonna rain. I just don't know what to do.

Sometimes I tell him he better not say the word rain again or he's in trouble. I mean there's only so much I can take.

And I know he's been through 2 hurricanes but he was always sleeping when the really bad weather came through. So I don't know where his fear came from.

This morning he asked if it was gonna rain cuz the sun wasn't shining and the birds weren't singing. I totally lied and said the birds were sleeping and it wasn't gonna rain. I have no fucking clue if it's gonna rain or not.

He also thinks a "twister" is gonna come even though I told him we don't have those down here. We DID have one a few years back but I'm not telling HIM that.

I don't know what to do anymore. I mean he is scared to death. And he is now banned from watching the weather on TV cuz that freaks him out even more.

Do you think he'll outgrow this?

Remember his fear of blood? Well he cut his finger Sunday and didn't even make a fuss about it. I put a bandaid on it and he was good to go.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this rain thing will pass too. At least my kid is scared of weird things. I mean that totally makes him MY kid.

Big Brother Yay!!

Last night one of my FAVORITE shows came on: Big Brother! I love this show! And now I will discuss the players cuz I know some of y'all are BB freaks like me.

Athletes: (Note I don't know any of their names yet)

Brown haired good looking dude- reminds me of Jim from the Office with his facial expressions so as of right now I love this guy.

MMA fighter dude- seems like he will be very cocky and is jealous of Jesse's steroid induced bod

Liar girl who won Kung Fu medals at the olympics- seems like she's gonna put her foot in her mouth permanently if she doesn't shut up. And I like how gay guy called her out for lying about her age

Jesse- So I kinda love/hate Jesse. I know he has a sweet side to him (when he was really nice and supportive of Michelle the Portuguese girl from his season) but then you all know he can also be an ass. I wanted him to win to go back in the house cuz I know he'll stir up shit plus his bod is nice to look at. What?

Brains:

Nerdy gamer dude- I think he's gonna get on my nerves but I did laugh when he ran in the house and screamed like a girl cuz he was so excited. I think he's first to go though

PHD smart girl- she thinks the "Jim" guy is cute so she has taste. Also I like how she lied about taking care of rats instead of being a smart doctor person. She is a serious threat

Girl who laughs at her own jokes - not too fond of her

Popular:

Pretty southern blond girl - hmm not sure of her yet. I could lover her or hate her.

Fake titties whore - already hate her.

Surfer dude - he seems nice and chill. He might sneak by under the radar.

Outcasts:

Tattoo chick who does special effects makeup - I SO hope she is nice cuz I like her. (P.S. I always wanted to do special effects makeup when I grew up. Yea that didn't work out for me huh?)

Gay guy who likes big titties - I think he's funny but might get in trouble for saying before thinking

Old dude rapper - he looks like Tim Chapman from Dog the Bounty Hunter. Look it up cuz I'm not lying. He might be a funny dude too.

So as of right now, I'm not really on any team yet. I have to get to know these people better before I decide I hate them. Well except for big titties girl. I ALREADY hate her.

I can't wait for Sunday's episode. I love Big Brother!!!!!

Little Ashes Review by Nikki

Remember when I said that my friend emailed me her review of Little Ashes? Well I wanted to share it with you cuz it makes me laugh.



For those of you who don't know what movie Little Ashes is, well it's got MAH LOVAH Robert Pattinson playing artist Salvador Dali. Well here it is in all it's glory.



Little Ashes review by Nikki Fierce:

OK. I think maybe I liked the movie even less last night. (Tiff's note: She's seen it twice.)It isn’t bad, it just isn’t really good. I will only recommend it to someone who wants to drool over naked Rob. (Tiff's note: Well who the hell DOESN'T wanna drool over him? No comments people!)

In one of the early scenes he has his shirt buttoned wrong – just like he does in real life!
(TN: Awww)


He has really weird hair throughout the movie – several different hair styles – but none of them are close to sex hair, so that is a negative. Especially when he shaves his head [well he also has paint all over his face, so he looks like a total freak in that scene – and he is laughing hysterically like a crazy person.] (TN: I love me some crazy)

He makes really weird faces all through the movie. I think this is acting – he is playing a tortured individual – a real weirdo. But his “Oh! Face” [when he is beating off in the corner while Frederico is having sex with Magdalena] is really tortured. He looks like he is in serious pain – not at all enjoying himself. That’s probably what they intended because it is hurting him to watch Frederico with a woman - when he wants to be having sex with him – but he just can’t go through with it and he freaks out every time Frederico tries to have sex with him. Again – I think pain is what the director was going for, but it really didn’t help my fantasies to think that is what he looks like when he cums! (TN: And yall thought I was bad about this didn't you?) I could do a lot in my head with a better visual than that – I’m disappointed that I didn’t get that “look” I wanted burned into my brain!

Sometimes his expression would lighten up and you could see HIM in Salvador’s eyes. And there were a couple of times in the movie where he smiled and you could see that “Rob smile” that makes you melt. (TN: Aww I love Rob's smile)

I think the acting was actually good. The script was bad. I can understand why it got bad reviews, but I think the reviewers are wrong to blame it on the acting.

Frederico [Javier Beltran?] is some real eye-candy right there.

The way Salvador is portrayed – makes him out to be an eccentric egotistical bastard – no one could like that character. Of course, as Salvador got older in real life – after when this movie would have taken place – he became even more of an asshole, so I’m thinking that Rob did a good job of portraying him accurately.

I can’t believe he did this when he was so young - doing nude sex scenes with another guy – in an independent film that few people were ever expected to see. I can understand a famous actor who has a lot of self-confidence doing a part like this. I can even understand why a neophyte actor would do a part like this [in a movie that is expected to get a lot of exposure – like Brokeback Mountain]. (TN: I totally had to look up the definition of neophyte. That word alone shows that I didn't write this.) But it surprises me that shy Robert would do this – before anyone was really noticing him. It wouldn’t shock me at all to see him do something like this now.

Anyway, these are my thoughts. I will certainly buy the DVD if/when it comes out – if nothing else but for The Tuck! He is standing there [talking furiously to his right hand] while grabbing his dick with his left hand – so you can’t see it. But then you see him tuck it in and you’ve got full frontal nudity [with the peen hiding]. Oh my! (TN: Oh my indeed!)

I laugh everytime I read this. Why? Because that's an honest to God review right there. Like I said before, I'm not sure I want to see this movie. I like my Rob the way he is...with MEwomen.

Oh and Nikki TOTALLY attached a picture of "the tuck" when she emailed me this. It confuses me but that didn't keep me from staring at that picture all day.

I would ask Nikki to review Twilight but I'm scared it would be like 10 pages long. Ahh it's nice to know there are people out there who "get" my Twilight obsession love.

I Saw Pinky and the Brain

Remember the cartoon called Pinky and the Brain? Hold on lemme find a picture. OK found one.

OK the big headed rat is the Brain and the goofy ass one (my fave) is Pinky.

Well my boss had a momma cat under his deck who had kittens and they've been living in his backyard. (Note he does NOT live in the sticks.) Well when we went to feed demon cat the other day, the kittens were laying out on the deck. And I swear to you, there is a white kitten who is the fucking devil. He looks just like the Brain in that picture.

His head and eyes are really weird and he is scary as fuck. I know you're saying, how can a kitten be scary? Oh he is, trust me. I tried to get a picture yesterday but he wasn't there. Maybe they were hiding from me. I don't know. I'll try to get one today. And then you'll see freakazoid and totally understand what I'm saying.

In other news, our A/C is STILL not fixed. The repair man had to order parts which of course will take god knows how long.

We're still alive though so don't worry. Oh and thanks again Daddy for buying that portable a/c.

In other super important news, my kid is a total badass at Wii bowling. I swear Nintendo can tell when a kid is playing and totally cheats so they win. I CANNOT beat Speedy. He's super awesome and is now at pro level and has a special ball.

Well he HAD a special ball until hubby played with Speedy's little person and lost to me (Muhahahaha) and lost points for Speedy and totally lost the kids "special" ball. You would think we beat him, with the fit he threw. I mean he cried his eyes out until I told him he could get his ball back. All he had to do was win to earn points.

Although I now think Nintendo is a bunch of cheaters cuz how can a 5 year old throw 6 strikes in a row and he isn't even paying attention? And why the fuck does my ball curve left EVERY.DAMN.TIME?

I was convinced Nintendo were cheaters back when I was playing Punch Out cuz it was too hard for a human to win. I'm onto you Nintendo! I'll keep my mouth shut....... if you send me free stuff.

I'm an Awesome cat Watcher

Right now, my boss is living it up in Chicago. And since he has a stupid cat such faith in me and my bff, we have to go check on his cat everyday.

Now my boss and his wife have no kids, so this cat is like a child to them. This cat is also a mean bastard and tried to bite me last time we were cat watching. All I did was let him out on the screened in patio and I walked by him and he did that fucking Halloween black cat growl thing at me. Thank goodness he is declawed cuz he would have ripped my face open. It took me damn 15 minutes to get him back inside with a stupid feather.

Oh and my bff is allergic to cats so I am forced to touch him. SOO we went yesterday to go feed the devil cat the poor thing. And on our way there, it started fucking pouring down rain. SO we decided to let our boss know what kind of awesomeness that we are to drive in the rain for the stupid cat.

By the way, NOBODY can tell me and bff apart on the phone. We sound VERY similar. SO listen up and see if you can tell us apart. Well I'm sure you know which one is me but we DO sound alike. (Oh and devil cats name is Boxcar)



So after we got drenched by rain, note that our boss left both cars in his garage and we had to park out in the rain, we went to see demon cat. Here is a video of us "playing" with him. Yea he doesn't play. He's a lazy ass whose only enjoyment in life is biting people. (Note that when I talk it's really loud cuz I'm by the microphone and bff is hard to hear cuz she's by demon cat)



SO if everything goes smoothly, I will not get bitten and I might get a shitty souvenir. I just hope this cat survives cuz if something happens, we're screwed.

It's Hot as Fuck

Hey everybody, hope y'all had a Happy 4th. Me? No fucking way.

I was off Friday and what would happen on Thursday night? Our air conditioner stopped working. And hubby called the repair peeps and they said they couldn't come out til this Friday. Hubby said we would die by then cuz the temps have been in the upper 90's to 100's. He then proceeded to cuss at the dude and the guy said "Sir, I just want to let you know that you are being recorded". To which hubby replied "Good. I hope the Sears fuckers hear every damn word I say". Yea he's classy, I know.

So Louisiana + no a/c = FUCKING HELL. I sweated so much I lost 3 pounds. I thought my dog was gonna die cuz bulldogs can't handle heat. But don't worry about my kid, he was having an awesome sweaty old time.

And fans do nothing but blow hot air around. And sitting outside is a tad bit cooler but not much. I read the temp on our porch which is covered and shady, and it was 97 degrees.

This is exactly what happens after a Hurricane but EVERYBODY has no a/c cuz nobody has electricity.

And for that reason, my Dad went with me Saturday and bought a portable A/C unit and is letting us use it. He wanted one for hurricane season anyway and he would do anything for me so he went and bought one.

It works enough that we aren't dying, but it's nowhere near as cool as we're used to. So we are able to survive inside right now and not kill each other. (For now)

The dickhead repair man comes today but I'm sure he has to order a part which HAS TO come from Bum Fuck Egypt and that will take 4 or more days. So until then, we will survive with our temporary a/c. And eat whatever the fuck I can cook on the stovetop cuz there's no way I'm turning on my oven.

Now let me get back to work cuz the A/C works HERE. I swear I feel like I'm in an igloo. And I LOVE it!